Nineteen

You are now reading this in Patrick Stewart's voice.

Eighteen

Those who should get it will get it.

Seventeen

Bangin' on a trashcan... drummin' on a streetlight...

Sixteen

There was bound to be one of these eventually.

Fifteen

Sorry for the inkiness. I LOST MY TASTY LITTLE SANDWICHES PEN. The pen I am now using is an inky mess.

Fourteen

"When danger reared its ugly head, she bravely played her lute and bled."

Thirteen

Not so much a brisk witticism but moreso a statement of fact.

Twelve

I've been watching a lot of SVU lately, and a pattern seems to have revealed itself.

Eleven

This one was inspired by my husband. And weather.

Ten

I was going to be more specific and do a "Black Forrest Ham", but I reconsidered at the last minute due to a quick realization of how awful that would be.

Nine

The following also applies to new (or favorite) shoes, fragile items on shelves, and your comforter.

Eight

What you see below the boat are animal representations of myself.

Seven

Do you think she's wearing Manolo Blahniks?